Yesterday I joined FetLife, because, apparently, that is one of the things one must do if one is a kinkster of any kind. And now I know why. Not only can you get to know people with the same interests as you, in the same area, and the rest of the world, of course. There are a lot of events that I otherwise would not have known existed. I found a munch that I think I would like to attend. I think, because I’m not really very good at getting out and meet people. People are scary. Or no, not really … but still, yes, yes, they are. Getting to know someone new is not easy for me. To try and get to know more than one, at once … I don’t know how that will work out for me. Hopefully I will dare to attend, and find out.

At one point, during my search through the World Wide Web of all things BDSM related, I came across a site that told about the steps one could take on the road to finding out if you fit in the BDSM world. There was nothing definite about it; it was just one possible road. The first step was to read about BDSM and kink, read and think, and maybe write down your thoughts. When you had read enough in your own opinion, you could try to find a munch in your area to attend to get to know people who had been, or were, at the same stage you are.

Both steps are good steps, good advice, in my opinion, and … I don’t remember what came next. Probably something like getting to know someone to experiment with/play with/learn with or from. Yes, that seems likely. If you are so inclined, of course. Never do something you are not okay with; that’s one good advice I have read time and time again these last months. Never do something you are not okay with yourself, or do something to another person that they are not okay with, or try to make them do it. Everyone have limits, also when it comes to sex and BDSM, maybe especially on that point. Respect the limits, both your own and others. A no is always a no, no matter the circumstances.

Some other advice I have read when it comes to finding your way in the BDSM world, was join FetLife and attend a munch. It can be that simple too, and you can learn almost solely by talking with others. If you aren’t a control freak like me, and want to know as much as possible, beforehand. Not that it has helped me much, so far.

To sum it up; I joined FetLife, which I consider to be a good thing. And I’m thinking quite seriously about attending a munch, because I believe that I might be ready for the next step.

Time will show, I suppose.

7 comments on “FetLife

  1. writingthebody says:

    I must admit I have never joined that site – it seems to be a good place to go to meet up….but there are a lot of warnings about who you meet there….just stay safe and have fun….focus on fun!

    • Raven says:

      I always strive to be as safe as I possibly can, both on the WWW and in the real world =)
      Safety first, fun second, but hopefully there will still be a lot of fun!

      • writingthebody says:

        Well it seems from your reply that you are a domme, and that you are looking for your idiom…..I mean, I am a masochist but i think a lot of dommes are also looking for submissive men as well. And then there are all the feelings we all have, so complex. Online allows that weird combination of very personal and anonymous. And we say things online we do not say in life….it is all very much of a journey, and do take care of yourself, because I think a very underthought bit of the field is how the top/dom person feels. We subs and masochists tend to take overt that terrain thinking that because we are the ones being “hurt” that we can whimper and get attention….and we do of course. But I think we are well protected against hurt, and I know my own masochism has actually been a major defence mechanism which now of course has its own logic. Anyway I enjoy your take on things and thank yuo.

  2. Raven says:

    Thanks again for reading and commenting =)
    I’m still not sure where i fit, exactly, and I’m still pretty sure I’m going to find out =p But yes, dominant or top of some kind might fit.
    From what I have been reading there isn’t always much focus on how the dom/top/sadist feels, but there are exceptions, big ones. A lot of times I have read about taking care of your dom/top, if you are a masochist/sub/bottom (really, there are too many labels!), or taking care of yourself if you are the dom/top. We/they are very much human too, with a lot of feelings, doubts and insecurities. If someone tells me that I’m not supposed to feel so and so because this or that labels fits me best … Fuck them. Pardon my french.

  3. Cadfaiel says:

    Hello to all,
    I think this is obvious but feel that everyone has to do what they feel is right for them, in vanilla or Fet, a good sense of humour is a advantage plus politeness to someone also to understand that person fully, what ever anyone’s interest we all are trusting someone and giving power exchange to someone.

    Get to know them and feel safe is upper most, once someone has and both have mutual respect for one another then you have a excellent balance, plus do not let your vanilla side go, still enjoy that side and be happy

    • Raven says:

      While your points may be obvious to some (hopefully most) people, it never hurts to say it one more time, just in case someone hasn’t gotten the message yet. Good and very valid advise. Thank you.
      Also, thank you for reading and commenting.=)

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