First munch

Today is the day. Munchy day. I have worried and fretted and worried some more, and I have come to a conclusion. Three conclusions actually. One, worrying doesn’t help. Two, I can’t stop.  And three, I worry too much. Like I didn’t know that already.

No, but seriously. The reasons I worry are these:

One; I don’t really like to meet new people. Every time I do, I have to force myself out the door. It’s a bit different if I’m going to a party where I already know someone, but even then; new people are scary. I don’t know anybody at this munch, so there will be only new people. My biggest worry with this is that I won’t be able to talk to anybody. That I will ice up because of fear and push people away. I do this sometimes; play the ice queen (never on purpose, it just happens), most often if there is someone I don’t like, but sometimes it happens when I’m nervous too, and then I don’t know how to turn it off.

Two; people are exhausting. Even if I already know them, even if they are family and friends, I get exhausted after spending time with them. An evening with friends mean that I will have to plan both the day before and the day after so that I won’t be too busy and try to spend energy I will use, or already have used, being social. Some situations are of course better or worse than others. Vacations can be as trying as they can be fun, but if I sleep well and get some hours with down time every day, everyone will survive. They have so far, at least. This is something that I can’t get away from, it’s just the way I am, so I have to plan around it to make the strain on me as small as possible. That the munch will leave me exhausted is something I have to accept, or I’ll have to give it up. And I’m not giving up.

Three; look at number one and two again. That pretty much covers it.

This is most definitely a ranting post, and most of what I have said here, I have mentioned earlier. I had hoped that ranting a bit would clear my head and maybe take some of the worry away. After all, I do interact with people, both new and known, almost every day. I smile, exchange pleasantries, answers and ask questions and just talk. It’s not that hard, if I don’t think about it. It’s really not that hard, promise! … Nope, that didn’t help. I didn’t believe myself, even though I know better. *sigh* I might end up having a good time, but right now my head is to preoccupied with worrying, so I can’t even contemplate that outcome. Oh, well, time will show, I guess.

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