First play party – assessment

This weekend I was at my first play party. I came at the exact time, and therefore I was too early. I should have known. Actually I did know. I’m not a party person, but I have been at enough parties to know that if the party starts at 8 in the afternoon, it doesn’t really begin before closer to 9, or even 10. Despite knowing this, I arrived too early. Luckily people began to arrive shortly thereafter, so I had someone to talk to. After we all had done some changing, of course. Or, the conversation began while we changed clothes and it continued from there.

We talked about each others outfits and jewelry. We talked about books we have read, like Wheel of Time, Lord of the Rings, Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey, and TV-series and movies. I might be wrong, but I’m under the impression that it’s a lot of geeks and nerds in the kinky world. If I’m right, I would be delighted; I would also fit right in.

Eventually we also talked about kinky stuff. What one liked to do, what implements hurt this or that way and what tickled, what a sadistic bastard that or that person was (and this was not said with any kind of rancor or bad feelings, mind you) and rope. The people I talked to really liked rope and later in the evening I got to watch while two of them got tied up in different positions. Personally I don’t get why rope should be so fantastic, but this evening I could at least see that it was quite beautiful. It was also fun. Everyone was talking, joking and grinning, even the toys, but they quieted down after a while. Or, they stopped talking, at least. Quiet, they weren’t, that’s for sure.

When the two toys were all tied up, the ones who had tied them up took the chance to be a little bit sadistic. And they weren’t the only ones there who had begun to play. I watched and listened. A little part of me only waited for my mouth to open and tell the sadists that they should stop, because they were obviously hurting their toys and humans should not hurt one another. That didn’t happen. I was far too fascinated with what I saw and heard to even think something like that. Besides, I knew that the toys wanted it, so why would I want to disturb them? Even when I saw someone really react to a hit, all I did was look. Okay, that’s not true. All I did was look and smile, while I tried not to grin like an idiot. I’m not sure I succeeded.

While they played, the people with the rope continued to have a conversation with each other and with me. There was no severe mood, no ritual and protocol to be followed. There was a bit of moaning and ouching from the toys and a bit of talk, smiling, giggling and half evil smirking from the sadists. Sure, this is something that most likely differs from playtime to playtime and from couple to couple, but then and there, the atmosphere was relaxed and fun. Certainly not scary. I have a hard time imagining either of those two being truly scary, which is a good thing.

Unfortunately I had to leave just when thing begun to be interesting. I had to travel a bit to get home and it’s the first time in many years I have had to leave a party before I actually wanted to. Usually I get tired early and leave. If I regret the decision, it doesn’t happen before the day after, when someone tells me about the fun they had after I left. This time I was disappointed because I had to leave. I wanted to talk and laugh more, and I wanted to watch when they played. Ah, well, hopefully I will get other chances.

A list of notes and remarks about my first play party:

–          Getting there and beginning to talk to people was scary. The rest was not.

–          Everyone was polite.

–          There was a lot of joking, fun and laughter.

–          There was no severe mood.

–          My brain does not see play pain in others as real pain. Luckily, as that would spoil everything.

–          My brain thinks play pain is funny and makes me grin like an idiot.

–          Another part of my brain wonders what kind of sick weirdo I’m who can watch another human being be hurt and just smile.

–          The first part of my brain asks the second part to shut up.

–          And now it gets confusing.

I’m going to stop here, before I get into a discussion with myself. This will have to wait for another post, as it’s a topic that deserves some space and serious though. I already know the outcome of this, of course, but I think it’s worth a discussion, nevertheless.


I had a great evening and I think I might have begun some new friendships, I hope so. I also hope I will see them again soon, and get to watch some more play.

2 comments on “First play party – assessment

  1. JoySpreader says:

    Greetings Raven!

    I’m glad you had a positive, first munch experience. I think the workup we have in our heads is much worse than what actually tends to happen. The best advice I’ve received imho, is remember these are just people, and it was once their first time too. Yeah, easier said than done sometimes.

    That said, please allow me to invite you and your readers to check out: It is an extensive Directory of locality-based groups, gatherings and resources worldwide.

    So whether you are looking for new places to visit, are relocating or traveling, or just want to see what’s available, it can be an excellent place to look.

    Additionally, it contains links to and articles for lifestyle newcomers, such as yourself, and organization leaders.

    I hope you’ll stop by! Best wishes to you, and on your journey!

  2. Raven says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting!
    I’m not really sure, but I don’t think I had any problem with going because I would meet kinky people; it was the people part that made me nervous, not the kinky part. Most likely though, it was a bit of both. I knew very well that these people were just people and that every one of them had been new at one time; it didn’t help on the nervousness – meeting them helped.
    Thanks for the tip! I have read about at other sites. I will check it out.

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