Today I’m going to my second munch. I have to admit, the nervousness from the first munch is still there, even though I had a great time. I’m not really surprised that I’m still nervous, just a tiny bit disappointed. Because I remember that it was fun, I remember that I was greeted with warmth and that it wasn’t a scary person in sight. I didn’t ice up, I didn’t lose my ability to speak, I didn’t sit alone with no one to talk to and I wasn’t forced to speak about things I don’t like. I couldn’t find anything to complain about, or to be nervous about, if I tried! But I’m still nervous. So I know that the nervousness doesn’t have anything to do with something that actually happened or something that I have a reason to be nervous about, it’s just my own insecurities. And those I’m used to, unfortunately.
However, I have taken a small step in the right direction. Last time I went to a munch because I had decided to go, and because I’m too stubborn to back out. This time I have also decided to go – and I’m definitely not backing out – but I’m also looking forward to it, just a bit, behind the nervousness. I’m hoping to talk more with some of the people I have begun to get to know, begin some new acquaintances and maybe even friendships. Not even my own anxieties can cover up that hope.
Maybe, just maybe, I can get rid of some of those social anxieties if I continue to do things like this, and if I admit that the gain from meeting new people is far bigger than my own fear of doing just that.