Last Thursday I went to my second munch ever. I knew I had a bit of a social anxiety problem before I begun to go to munches and other kinky gatherings, but I wasn’t aware it was so extensive that I now know that it is. That I was unaware has a simple explanation; it’s a long time since exposed myself to a lot of strangers at once. So now I’m both exploring kink and fighting my own social anxiety. And here I always believed that I couldn’t multitask!
When I first walked over the floor to the tables, I could swear the floor tried to trip me, several times. I was almost sure I was going to fall, so I was very grateful when I found a place to sit and could just breathe for a moment. After a little while I introduced myself to the woman next to me and slowly we begun to talk. I used books as an icebreaker (surprise, surprise!) and we went from there to other topics. The place filled with people and I talked to a few of them. Most faces was new (or just not remembered), but a couple was someone I had spoken to before. The topics varied from books (50 Shades was among them, I do so wonder why those keep popping up at kinky gatherings), movies, music, work, vacations and kink.
Maybe 25-30 percent of the conversation was about kink. A very sensible percent, the way I see it. Not too much, and not too little. At one point I got the question if I identified myself as something more than another, within the kink world. Not at all an unreasonable question, but I had to admit that I wasn’t sure. Then the other part admitted the same. Good to know there are more of us unsure types out there. We began talking about the identification tests that is used to find out what kind of kinky people is, and we agreed that while none of us would swear to the test, it’s not completely mistaken either. It kind of points in the right direction, but nothing more.
While it was a bit harder to start conversations this time and there were long silences where I tried my best to think of something to say, the time flew by nonetheless. I said my goodbyes and got up to leave. This time the floor was still under my feet and didn’t try to trip me even once. Most likely it had been stomped into submission by everyone there.
All in all, it was a good experience, yet again. I look forward to next time, even if my nerves still are a little frayed. They will have to learn to live with it, or get over it, same as me.