Who do you tell about your kinky side or the part of you that you have reason to believe is kinky?
Who do I tell?
Right now that’s a question I try to find an answer to. I have already told one of my closest friends about my explorations and reading/learning/theory in kink. She took it very well. (I will call her SJ from here on.) I wrote about it here. Now I consider telling some of my other close friends. My reasoning is this:
1. They are my closest friends and there is little they don’t know about me already. I shouldn’t have to conceal anything from them.
2. As any other group of girls we talk a lot about relationships, love and sex when we are together. Right now I have little new to share, little to talk about. But if/when I meet someone new I will have to cover up quite a bit of my relationship from my friends, if one assumes that the relationship is a kinky one. I would constantly have to think about what I can and can’t say to them. I would always wonder if I’m about to say something revealing before I open my mouth. Or if I just said something revealing without thinking.
3. They know me. I can’t continue to say that I went to meet some people, when I go to munches and other stuff. They know that I’m not a person that just goes out and meet new people all the time. It isn’t me. While I can conceal a bit of my life from them, I can’t, and won’t, lie to them if one of them should ask more about these people I meet. Like where I met them, who they are and what we do. All completely sensible questions, questions I wouldn’t hesitate to answer, usually.
4. To always guard my words around my closest friends will be wearing. This is the girls I have told almost everything to, always. Also, if I at one time should say something that I didn’t mean to say and then get the question when I started thinking about/doing stuff like that … It wouldn’t be good to admit that it has been months or years since I first started to explore kink. I think that would hurt them. I know I would be hurt if one of them hid some big part of themselves because they didn’t trust me with it. I could probably understand it, but it would hurt, nonetheless.
5. I know that at least one of them, besides SJ, has an idea of what goes through my mind these days. It might possibly have something to do with the fact that I gave her my first short story with kinky erotica to read. (She complained that none of the books she was reading those days had any sex in them. My short story has quite a bit of sex in it.) She was supposed to be a test reader, but hasn’t gotten very far. When I asked her if she had read anything, she said she read one page, almost fell of the chair and had to stop reading because she wasn’t alone. That would have worried me if she hadn’t been smiling when she said it. So, I think she got a clue.
Despite these good reasons to tell them about my new studies, I still worry about bad reactions. We haven’t talked a lot about kink. Sure, we have talked a bit, but not much, not enough for me to know that they will be okay with it. I’m almost completely positive that they will be okay with it, and me, almost. I just hope that they still will be okay with me, even if they have a hard time to accept my new hobby. (Or what I think will be my new hobby.) Also, I really hope that they will tell me to shut up if I talk about something they don’t want to hear about and I don’t notice that they would like to change the subject. SJ wouldn’t hesitate to change subject on me, which is one of the reasons why I told her first. The last thing I want is to make my friends uncomfortable.
In the group Novices and Newbies on Fetlife a newbie can get lots of excellent advice. There was for example a question similar to mine: Who do you tell? The answers were good and intelligent, but a part of one answer really stuck with me. Stop hiding and start being private.
I think I will try that one. I won’t hide from my closest friends, but I will try not to be too forthcoming either, so I won’t drown them in kinky rantings. Answer question; yes. Rant; no. I will try to keep my worst rantings to the blog, that’s what it’s here for.