Lack of nerves

The past month I have been at a kinky gathering or a munch almost every week. In the beginning of my escapades in the kinky world I was more nervous than anything else. Stubbornness alone made sure that I got out the door at home and to the munch. It wasn’t really something I looked forward to; I was far too busy being nervous. It was just something I had to do for myself and hope that it would get better with time.

It did get better. A lot better. Now I look forward to the gatherings, to see my new friends again, to begin new friendships, to talk about books, movies and kink with new people. To joke and laugh with people, and to smile and grin when watching someone get a beating or being put in their place. I might feel mildly uncomfortable sometimes, after all, there are a lot of people I haven’t talked to and sometimes someone can act a bit … out of place. Nothing really rude, just weird, and not in a good way. But it doesn’t happen very often and I guess it’s hard to get away from with so many different people at one place.

So I enjoy looking forward to the gatherings, almost counting down the days, starting at the evening of the last gathering. One reason for my lack of nerves, nerves that were very much there not so long ago, might be the fact that I now meet up with my new newbie friend before the gatherings, and we travel the last bit together. This way, neither of us has to go there alone and sit alone until we find someone to talk to. It’s easier and funnier. I have yet to experience that we run out of things to talk about. Another reason for my lack of nerves might be that I become more and more curios the more I read, learn and see, and I want to learn and see more, and do things myself. I get more and more curious about doing every week. It’s a really hard thought to get out of my head these days. I have got kink on the brain!

This weekend I’m going to a kinky birthday party and I really, really look forward to it. I’m sure it will be a lot of fun! Oh, there will be new people there, and I believe the crowd will be smaller than on the kinky gatherings I’m usually at … and yes, I’m a bit nervous, but I’m a lot more excited! And I know that I already have talked to some of the people who will be there. It will be fine.

Besides, the birthday party isn’t all that I have to look forward to this weekend.

I also have got a date!

No, I’m not thrilled, not at all. No, I don’t look forward to it, not even a bit, of course not. (< Notice the ton of sarcasm I used here. < Notice the fact that I have never done something like this before.) I’m absolute calm and gathered. I’m not jumping up and down while clapping my hands. I wouldn’t do that, ever. (Geez, there’s that sarcasm again.)

Now I’m losing the thread completely, best to put an end to this post.

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