When I first began to think about kink and BDSM and what it could mean for me, there were certain things that I believed I would never like. Things I believed I couldn’t like. First and foremost there was sadism. That wasn’t for me, it couldn’t be. I was a good girl and always have been. I don’t do bad things and I certainly don’t like to hurt people. The thought of giving someone pain was horrific – to begin with.
It wasn’t too long before I started to question my declaration of not being sadistic. Little by little I came to the conclusion that I’m, in fact, sadistic. Writing this blog helped to clear my head and put my feelings and thoughts into words. Now I’m beginning to be quite comfortable with the label sadist. All I really needed was to be around masochists that like to receive pain as much as I like giving it – possibly more.
Another concept that was too strange for me was pet play. In the beginning when I just read about BDSM and didn’t think of what it could mean for me and what I could like and dislike, pet play was too peculiar too even contemplate. So, when I began to think about BDSM and what I thought of different stuff on a personal level, pet play wasn’t even in my mind. I had gone to quite a few kinky gatherings before it crossed my mind.
One evening I began to think about a new idea to a story with a kinky subject and figured out, quite unexpected, that my characters wasn’t only in a D/s relationship; they were also in an owner and kitten relationship. That was when I began to think about pet play and discovered that the thought of having such a relationship was a little attractive.
In the weeks and months that followed I read a bit about pet play and it popped up in my thoughts again and again, until I was well and truly curious. What would it be like to have a kitten? How would it work? Was it possible to have both an owner and kitten relationship and a more ordinary D/s relationship? What about pain, could I give my kitten pain – if I ever found myself in that kind of relationship – or wasn’t that done?
Of course, I realized that most of the questions only could be answered by my future partner and me, by figuring out what we wanted for ourselves and our interactions. There’s no handbook that encompass all owner and kitten relationships, which is all to the better. Everyone is different and I wouldn’t like to follow someone else’s plan, anyway. But the thought of pet play went from being not interesting to a little attractive to very attractive to ‘I really want to try this’.
With both sadism and pet play on the list, I have had two major change of heart, and mind, since I began to explore the kinky world – and probably a lot of smaller ones. I’m pretty sure that I will find other things that I will change my mind about, in time.