Even before my actual first day in the kink scene, I could not understand why so many liked rope, being tied up and tying others up. More than liked – they were completely hooked on rope. Now, bondage I could understand, but rope, this intricate and time-consuming business – not my thing. Quick bondage to prevent my submissive from moving around and to let her feel that she is, in fact, not in control – that is something else entirely.
My girlfriend have liked – or more correctly loved – rope from long before we met. Because I had no interest in binding her up, I had no trouble letting others do the deed. I was not going to take something she liked away from her. With a trusted friend, V, who likes to rig rope – there never were any problems.
Except for one. I still did not get why people so loved rope. Of course, this was a minor problem – and wholly mine. Nevertheless, I am curious of nature.
After over a year and a half in the BDSM community, that curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked V, the rigger, if she could use me as a bunny, at one time or another. She thought that was a definite possibility.
I told V that I had thought a lot about being tied up, and what it was about it that gave me the willies. Because the thought really gave me the willies, most of the time. The few times it did not, it made me curious instead. Not being able to move and not being able to get away was naturally on the top of my list. I am a control freak and it is not easy to be in control if you are tied up. Or, more accurately, it is not easy to feel in control. I am sure there are some dominants out there who like being a rope bunny and order their partner to tie them up.
V got past this worry by stating that we could try a leg first. One leg is far from a full body binding. It would most likely not give me the feeling of utter helplessness that I so much feared.
After we agreed that I could be her rope bunny at one time, I began thinking about it even more and wondered if I would ever dare to bring it up again if she did not.
In my mind, I could react in three different ways to being tied up.
Either I would freak out, as I feared. It was what I thought most possible, in my heart of hearts. (In my heart of hearts, I am a pessimist.)
Alternatively, I could end up with feeling like this: “Eh, is this what they are going on about? Why should this be so special? Could you get me out of the ropes now, please, this is boring.”
Or, I could love it and finally, totally, understand why so many love rope. (This feeling and understanding is what I wanted the most, naturally. I am pessimist, but I am also a dreamer and never without hope.)
Shades of grey is seldom present in my day dreaming scenarios.
In the Easter vacation, I was at a kink party and while looking at V tying up another woman, I tried to figure out what I felt about being tied. Not at some time or another, but then and there, with these friends. I decided that I was okay with it. Even if I freaked there was no one there to hold it against me or call me weird or stupid. Just friends.
Therefore, when V had let the other woman loose I asked her if I could be her rope bunny during the party. She said that we could try it at once. I got out of my skirt and over to her on the mattress. I have seen enough rope scenes to know that a tight skirt is not the right thing if you are going to be a rope bunny. I laid down on my back and V begun to tie my left leg, heel against backside.
And … I was gone.
She could not have gotten half way up my bent leg before I floated off on a cloud.
I have nothing to compare it to … I was just … gone.
I was not indifferent and I certainly did not freak out.
I loved it.
I loved the feeling of the rope. I loved the way V tied me up and the way she repositioned me so she could tie the other leg too. I loved the music in the background.
I was on a happy, little cloud, but I was still aware, if only barely. I can remember hearing people talk, but not what they talked about; only that it was too loud at one point. I can remember V and my girlfriend talking to me and to each other, and that I answered, but I cannot remember what. I think they asked how I was doing several times, which does not surprise me. I was very doubtful to the whole affair only minutes earlier.
When V had done both my legs, she asked if she should tie my hands too. I focused enough to think how I felt about it, before I said yes. Having my legs bound was so much not a problem; I could not believe it would be a problem having my hands bound too. It would probably feel even better.
For a while the only thing anyone could get out of me, was small moans. It felt so good.
Time disappeared completely. I still do not know where it went or how much of it that got away.
Even on my little, fluffy cloud I felt my limbs begin to protest against being in the same position. I think I told V that she had to let me loose. I have doubts as to how coherent I was at that point, but V did understand what I wanted and began taking the ropes off.
It took a good, long while for me to land after the rope high. Truth to be told, I think it took days to completely wear off. At first I could not talk, I could not hold a cup and I could not sit up on the mattress. I felt so weak and full off fluff and I did not mind the least. I just mumbled, moaned and laughed. My girlfriend laid down beside me, petted me and laughed with me. I was so high and so happy.
Even now, over a week later, I still do not understand what happened or exactly how it could happen. If I should try to describe the experience with other words than me on a happy, fluffy cloud, I would say that it was a bit like a deep mediation combined with a good, warm massage. At least, I imagine something like that. I was so relaxed, mentally and physically, both during and after being tied up.
I think my intense reaction to being tied up have several sources. The major one is that as a control freak I seldom, if ever, let go of the control of my life and my surroundings, not completely or for long. To let go so utterly must have felt kind of heady in and for itself. As to how I could let go like that when I expected to freak out more than anything … I think that has to do with the feeling of safety, warmth and amity in the room. There was nothing to fear, on any level or in any shape. And of course, I feel that I know V and I trust her to look after me when I am in her ropes. Having my girlfriend there did not hurt either.
Summa summarum: The fact that I felt safe made it possible for me to turn of my head in a way I am rarely capable of.
I have never had my movements so restricted and I have never felt so free and at peace.
It was glorious.