On Fetlife there is a term «playing the numbers». For the most part, it describes someone (usually a male) who sends a lot of identical PMs to a lot of other people (mostly female). It’s often possible to identify a so-called copy-paste on a glance. They are mostly about the sender himself, often with some kind of fantasy described (and if you are really lucky, it will be described in minute detail) and they tell you loud and clear why they contacted you; for sex and play. The way I understand it is that these males send out a lot of PMs in the hope that if they just send them to enough females, someone will give them the time of the day. They are playing the numbers.
The problem for these males are; they are not the only ones playing the numbers. The recipient, the female, are also playing the numbers. I know I am. I do not get the ton of PMs other dominant (and submissive) women get, and I’m guessing it’s because some of the men who want to send me a message reads that sentence where I state that I am a lesbian, and moves on. Some of the messages I get is still copy-paste where the sender hasn’t read my profile at all (except the fact that I’m a female dominant) and send me some elaborate fantasy, or a “Hi, how are you doing?”. The latter is nice enough, but what am I supposed to do with it? I do not want to talk unless given a reason, and the “hi” messages feels a lot like poking.
“Hi.” *poke* “Hi, notice me.” *poke, poke* “See me, notice me, talk to me!” *poke, poke, poke*
The other thing about the “hi” messages is that if I should answer it with a “hi” in return, the odds are that they will answer me with a proposition for sex and play. No other conversation needed. I have done that enough times to have learned my lesson. I do not answer the “hi” messages.
So, out of every ten messages I receive, maybe one is interesting enough to answer. And if I answer, one out of five want to have an actual conversation. The only reason that I answer as much as one in ten – because even that one message is not necessarily something really great and engaging – is that I have learned that it is the second message that counts. It may be a proposition for sex and play or it may be the start of a conversation. I won’t know before I try, but I won’t try for just any message.
Even those I have a conversation with often turns out to want … yes, indeed, sex and play. I’m not surprised any more. I expect it. Truth to be told; it’s okay. It’s Fetlife. Even if it’s not supposed to be a hook up site, a lot of people use it that way. You just can’t get around it. After months of being single I use it that way myself.
I miss playing. I miss being able to give orders and to have them followed. I miss the intimacy in a scene. I have decided to give a male servant a go, or male slave or maid or a what-have-you. Then I can at least give someone orders, someone who enjoy taking orders as much as I like giving them. So … I play the numbers on Fetlife.
The numbers, so far, are not good. Of the five I have had longer conversations with and agreed to meet, I have met exactly one. One in five. One in five that wanted to meet me, to the point where we made arrangement for a first meeting in public. Fortunately, that one man wants to meet me again, and I liked him and want to meet him again too, so that’s a start.
But playing numbers are not much fun.