The Cozy Perverts

A warm room full of people, talking and laughter.

A man sits with handcuffs and talks animatedly with a man with pigtails and clip-on ear rings.

Two women in various state of dress, bound with ropes, walks around and talks and jokes with others.

A new and wicked cane simply has to be tested by everyone on everyone else.

A small group of men and women has gathered to help a couple of men choose the right nail polish and get it on without too much of a mess.

A man sits on the floor, does what he is told, and gets petted now and again.

Sometimes there is slaps, whacks, hair pulling and pinching followed by sounds like ouch, ai ai ai, iiiiii, no no no and I’m sorry! And of course there is laughter from everyone else.

Good conversations with friends, laughter and smiles.

A cute and tired woman has her head in my lap. She needs some petting and repose. I’m so happy to see her, talk to her and touch her. I haven’t seen her, my date, since the Halloween party and we have a lot of cuddling to make up for. Later, when she is up for it, we will try the cane that’s been sent around the whole evening. Earlier I got a shoe-horn from a friend and I want to use that one too. It’s what we tried on Halloween and it worked very well. But for right now it’s cuddling, hugging, caressing and talking.

The whole atmosphere is relaxed and warm and friendly. It’s always nice to be here, it’s always a lot of good people to talk to, but tonight there is this relaxed feeling going on too. This feeling of a very close knitted group that have some serious down time together. I know that everyone isn’t that close knitted, I couldn’t even put a name to most of the people in the room, but it doesn’t change the feeling.

The very cozy feeling.

New Newbies

A couple of weeks ago I meet another newbie at a kinky gathering. Of course, there are always newbies, either completely new newbies or newbies that has been to some gatherings but still are very new newbies. (New newbies; say it ten times, fast!) It was her first time at anything kinky and she seemed as nervous as I had been at my first munch. We began talking and realized that we actually were pretty much alike, not only being new to BDSM, but in other things as well. We talked and talked, and I got pretty excited when I heard she was a reader and that she liked fantasy books, just like me. That alone is at subject that can fill hours. We continued to send messages over Felife and got to know each other better and better. Not well, maybe, but definitely better.

Yesterday we met up before going to a munch together. We talked and talked and talked, both before, during and after the munch. Sometimes we agreed on so much and had so similar tastes that I found it a bit weird. I mean really, what are the chances! We talked to other people too, of course, both other newbies and more experienced people. Still, I’m pretty sure I talked the most with her.

When we left the munch we were laughing and giggling so much it was hard to breathe, let alone talk. My face hurt from smiling. If it’s possible to be drunk on laughter, I was drunk, rip roaring drunk. It was a good feeling.

Was I nervous before we went to the munch? Yes, I was, but nothing close to the nervousness I have experienced before. I was with someone I knew I got along with and knew could talk to. That I was less nervous could stem from the fact that I was coming and leaving with someone, or it could be that I feel more secure now. I have been to some gatherings, talked to a lot of people, and I still stand tall. Maybe, just maybe, my brain finally accepted that it isn’t really scary. Maybe it’s a bit of both. I don’t know, and I don’t really care, so long the nerves don’t come back. (That’s probably too much to ask for, but I can hope …)

Anyway, I’m glad that I met her and that we can talk so well about so much. I’ll see her again today, at another kinky gathering. I look forward to discover what new topics we will talk to pieces.

Hugging

I don’t get causal hugging. The type of hugging that happens between people that just have met, or maybe have met once or twice before. The type of hugging where you don’t know for sure that the person you hug is someone you like, trust or even want to hug, no matter how causal.

There are some people that I like instantly and don’t mind hugging at all, but they are few and far between. In most cases I have to use some time to get to know people before I’m comfortable with hugging them. It doesn’t always happen either; sometimes I can like people, even be friends with them, without ever feeling that hugging them is a normal part of our relationship. In the meantime I’m expected to hug everyone I talk to, anyway. I’m not okay with that. Not by a long shot. But it’s really hard to say no or to take a step back when people move forward to hug you, or even ask for a hug.

How does one deal with that? Maybe it’s just me?

On one occasion I became a bit desperate and told him flat out that I didn’t want to hug him. Of course he was taken aback and had to ask why. I told him that I’m not good with intimacy. Not a total lie, since I’m no good with being intimate with people I hardly know, and a close up hug goes far into my personal space. After that I haven’t been that desperate again, but I’m quite often uncomfortable with hugging people I don’t know much. Regrettably, I’m too shy or simply anxious about other people’s feelings and about making a possible scene that I’m unable to say anything.

I don’t understand the gesture of hugging everyone when you greet them or when you say goodbye. Friends, family and lovers, sure, in those cases a hug or two is natural, even for me. (To cuddle up with my girlfriend is on the top of my to-do list when/if I find someone. That kind of intimacy I’m rather good at and it’s addictive.) A couple of weeks ago I even asked for a hug from a new friend. Afterwards I felt bad; what if she is like me and don’t like casual hugging and don’t think hugging is natural yet, but wasn’t able to say no to me? It gave me a pause.

So … if the trend that commands that everyone have to hug everyone else, would pass soon, that would be great.

Some people probably like all the hugs, but some are not all and not everybody are able to say no thanks to the hug. Next time you are about to hug someone, ask yourself if you know the person you are about to hug well enough to know if they actually want a hug or not.

Not everyone is a hugger.

To take the leap

As already mentioned I have planned to attend a munch, which is next week, only days away. Meep! There will be unknown people there, quite a few of them, I understand. People I will have to talk to if I want to have any hope of getting to know them. To meet someone new, one on one, can really be hard enough, but then at least I know who I should talk to. There aren’t any choices. This is one situation where I don’t mind if I don’t have any choice. If we don’t work, if we can’t talk together, well, that’s it.

In the case of this munch situation I can – and should – move from one I feel I can’t talk to, to someone else to try to talk to them. For instance, if someone is a big football fan and only want to talk about football and football players, I will have to try to find someone else to talk to. Fast. Football is most certainly not my thing. If someone wants to talk books, on the other hand, I will be delighted. I can almost always talk books. I sure hope someone want to talk books with me, to break the ice if nothing else. Books are good icebreakers.

On one hand I fear to talk to people. On the other hand, I fear that I will not find anyone to talk to. How does those two fit together? I don’t get it, but they do go hand in hand, so to speak.

As if this social experience is not enough, I have already decided on another. A play party, which is also next week. Double meep! I think I must be crazy to make two arrangements like that so close to another, but it’s really not my fault. It just happened that way. I originally planned to go to a munch-ish thing the week after next, but then I found out about the munch next week, and after that the play party, and I thought: Well … take the leap.

Some people go slowly out in the water while they decide if they want to go for a swim or not. I’m not one of those people. I always think the water is cold and I don’t like the sea, the rivers or the lakes. (Actually, I don’t like swimming or large bodies of water at all.) I decide if I want to take a swim despite those things, and if the answer is yes, I go out in the water as fast as I can and dip my head under to get that part over and done with. I take the leap. There is no reason to wait if I already know that I will not like the experience, at least at first. When I’m out there, I might decide I like it enough to stay for a little while longer. It’s not that I don’t worry that the water will be freezing cold, I do, but when I have set my mind to something I almost always see it through. I’m unreasonably stubborn.

When it comes to this play party I worry about the cold water, I’m afraid I have bitten over more than I can chew and I’m afraid that I’m the cat in Curiosity killed the cat. (Oh my, that is a lot of proverbs.) No, I don’t really think the experience will kill me, but since this is all so new, I don’t know how I will react to see someone play, even if I’m very curious. The munch is at least in a setting I know, dinner at a restaurant, but the play party … I don’t know. I just don’t know, and that comes in addition to the fact that I can be a bit frightened of new people and that people in general can be exhausting.

This is going to be fun indeed.

Sometimes I really wish that I’m not so very stubborn. But now that I have decided I should go, I will go, and that is that.

I take the leap.

Meep!